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A Bi-polar kind of day.

I'm sad. I'm just sad, sad, sad. And at other points in the day, I've been so happy I've cried.

Prop 8 looks good to pass, and while the ACLU and gay rights groups have filed an appeal to have the CA Supreme Court throw the results out as they directly contradict other portions of the state constitution, they're unlikely to do so. It gets sticky when a governmental branch repeatedly throws out voter approved legislation.

I'm really and truly heartbroken. I want so much to be excited and yelling and screaming today, and every now and again when I think about what we, as a country, have accomplished and what's coming in January and the minimum four years after, I can be for a moment. But the rest of the time, I just can't. Not when so many people I love have been effectively told that in my home state, the state that I love and am so proud to call my birthplace and home, more people support the rights of chickens and veal calves than theirs.

What's hardest is knowing that while so many Black California voters today are celebrating and talking about what a huge step forward this election was for equality, it is a fact undeniable that Black California voters, who turned out in record numbers to support Obama, overwhelmingly supported banning gay marriage. When they say that, I want to think, "Yes, you're right! This is so amazing!" And instead I think, "Oh yeah? Equality for who?"

But really, it was the Mormons. And after that, it was the middle-aged and older religious voters. And today, I feel something that I wouldn't have believed even a week ago that I would feel today. And that is that if someone doesn't believe in equality for gay people, I don't think that person is a good person.

I don't think they're a bad person, per se. But if someone actively supports inequality and oppression of another human being because of the other consenting adult that they love? I don't think the term "Good Person" applies to them. I have never felt that way before in my life, but, honestly and truly, it is how I feel today. And I can't tell you how unspeakably sad that makes me.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
julierocket
Nov. 6th, 2008 04:38 am (UTC)
My friend put it well for me: when I said I wasn't really thinking about the passing of Prop 8, she said "Because you don't want to come down from your Obama high, right?" And, well... she's right. And it's part of the privilege I receive as a straight person, that I can choose NOT to dwell on it right now... but it is really sad, and I don't want to lose that perfect "oh my god, we have Obama, all will be okay!" feeling yet.

But yeah, you're right. And it's hard to process.
amazonvera
Nov. 6th, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
If I had to choose between electing Obama and defeating 8, I'd choose electing Obama in a heartbeat. And I have to hang on to the fact that his election makes equality for all glbt people, not just Californians, a more likely reality.

But it still hurts. It makes me sad to get married.
julierocket
Nov. 6th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
It makes me feel bad about being married. Why me and not someone else? Why me and not ANYONE else? And my gay cousin and her girlfriend live in LA, and I wonder how they feel about this. Even if they were never considering getting married, what a great way to announce "YOU'RE NOT WELCOME!" to 3+ yr tax-paying residents.
lady_alyria
Nov. 6th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
I'm sure some are good people, they are just living with some serious cognitive dissonance. People tend to want to do what's right. It's just sometimes people can't see what that is, no matter how obvious it is.
amazonvera
Nov. 6th, 2008 05:51 am (UTC)
The rational part of me says sure, but the vast majority of me at this moment says, "WHO CARES, SCREW THEM!"

I need to pull myself together on this one, I know, but it's going to take some time.
lady_alyria
Nov. 6th, 2008 05:57 am (UTC)
Understandable. I'm still at the disbelief stage.
peachthief
Nov. 6th, 2008 05:45 am (UTC)
Needless to say I'm going to need a week or so before I can talk to Tamara.

When are you free next - we need to get together!
amazonvera
Nov. 6th, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
She didn't vote yes, did she? Oh man.

I don't know, dude. I'm about two steps away from sending out a save-the-date-card that says, "If you support gay marriage, RSVP yes. If not, your spot at the reception will be taken by a drag queen," except that I'm sure I really don't want to know how much of both of our families feel about that (if I already don't).

Yes, I'm busy as shit this week, but we must get together!
withbutterflies
Nov. 7th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
I agree that it seems to mostly be the Mormons and older voters, but black voters definitely made a difference with the proposition. That upsets and angers me terribly. It really wasn't that long ago that they could not marry and yet they voted to deny this same right to another group of Americans.

It makes me physically ill to think of it.
schizospider
Nov. 7th, 2008 05:21 am (UTC)
And today, I feel something that I wouldn't have believed even a week ago that I would feel today. And that is that if someone doesn't believe in equality for gay people, I don't think that person is a good person.

I came to that same conclusion a couple years ago, during one of the "we're gonna get a gay marriage ban through legislation/onto the ballot/etc." iterations here in MA. In that time, I've thought about it, and determined that I have to just understand that, for all their (unfortunately, mostly religious) talk of keeping things pure, they are, like all people, inherently imperfect. And so imperfect that they don't even realize their opinion on this matter might be a flaw.

I've had someone I considered a friend in college who was a...erm, what's the official term?...Salvationist (parishoner of the Salvation Army, the term is escaping me right now), who was generally a very sweet (if socially awkward) kid. She could talk to a gay person and tell them to their face that she thought they were wrong and immoral and that they didn't deserve to marry, but she still loved them. Meanwhile, I've actually slowly (and unconciously) removed most of the people who thought this way from my life. Guess I can't pull off "hate the sin, love the sinner."
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )